What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize