chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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