i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
