Umm I'm too high to move.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
