So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
