Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm having to shit out rocks
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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