somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize