i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
