i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
