then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
