Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
