I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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