btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
