Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
