Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
