I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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