My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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