Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
