I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude. I can hear the air.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
