Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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