I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
