you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
