oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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