AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
