my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
