The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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