he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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