Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
