I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
