4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
