Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
