Sponge bath it is.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
home. puking in laundry basket.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
