cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
