She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize