i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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