Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
