i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
