my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
pray to the hookup gods
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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