did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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