WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
