fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
