I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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