Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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