Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
