If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
