The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
