his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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