Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize