I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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