OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
