look no pants
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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