Sponge bath it is.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm having to shit out rocks
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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