Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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