i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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