I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
