my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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