Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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