Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
