Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
