hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
