So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
