Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
