You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My ATM looks so different sober.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
