Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
