Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
