next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
