were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize