you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
