yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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