It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
