So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
