Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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