i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
