I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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