how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize