she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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