I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
