Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize