i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
