my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
