dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize