Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
