I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
