No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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