never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
