bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
