my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My balls are so social today.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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