if i died would you start the facebook group?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
