I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
