pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
