DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
