You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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