mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize