is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
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